Mental health day

We had a somewhat rough week at home, recovering from colds or flu or whatever it was, and then Jack went and got himself sick. He's been sick only a handful of times in his life, so I am never prepared for his illnesses; they surprise me each time.

This week his nose has been stuffed up, he's been coughing a bit, and running an occasional low fever. I treated him with Tylenol and a few extra popsicles, but he was a little beast for 2 days, with operatic tantrums, super clinginess, and crazy sleep patterns. Last night Hans fought the Epic Battle of Bedtime, and Jack didn't go to sleep until 10:30. As usual he was up this morning at 6 something.

Hans gave me the day off, so I headed out for a hike around 10:30, only to discover it was flaming hot on the peninsula! Oh well, I hiked anyway, enjoying myself at Pulgas Ridge. (You can read some more about the hike on my new blog: http://bayareahiker.blogspot.com/) I came home hot but happy, took a shower, checked in on Jack (still crazy, still a little sick), then took a nap. What a wonderful relaxing day. Thanks Hans!

Two from the zoo

Almost forgot, we had a fun but mercurial (word of the week around here) trip to the Oakland Zoo last Sunday. This was our second ever visit and the first time we never made it to the Children's Zoo, so Sunday we started there. It is excellent -- the animal areas are large and cheerful and there's plenty of interactive stuff for the kids to climb on and explore. Unfortunately there is no goat feeding at this zoo, but Jack did get to pet these goats. Jack really really loved the fruit bats -- none of us had ever seen them before, and we can't stop talking about them. Our visit was marred with a few "goes to 11" tantrums, but all in all it was a fun trip. One of the highlights was watching Jack ride by himself on the little car ride. That was a first.

Berry picking

The weather was lovely Wednesday, so Jack and I hiked up Mount Davidson for some berry picking. Most of the blackberries were still very green, but we picked about a cup while watching swallowtail butterflies and hummingbirds zipping around. We'll be back!

Poor poor pitiful me

Out of nowhere Tuesday while eating dinner I got caught by the flu. It was so strange, one minute I was fine, the next I was sick. Yesterday I slept all day which helped a bunch, but I'm still a mess. My teeth throb, throat is raw, ears ache, nose is stuffed, and even my eyes hurt. I've had two nights of lovely fever hallucinations -- the first night it was blood dripping down the wall (a red shirt was hanging on the outside of Hans' closet) and then last night coyote-goats were pooping on Hans' side of the bed (sounds like one of Jack's dreams).

Hans may have the flu now too, but there's still hope that Jack will dodge it.

Motherhood blues

When Jack was a baby and we made our first excursions to our local playgrounds, I expected other moms (I'm not being sexiest here, there just aren't many dads) to welcome me to their club. I didn't expect everyone to love me instantly and want to be my best friend, but I did anticipate a certain level of civility. Instead I found that some moms would chat, but more often than not, I came across moms who were not willing to engage. Some wouldn't even make eye contact. I took this personally for a very long time. Any time a mom would talk to me I felt like I was getting mom validation. When I was shunned, I felt like crap. I can vividly remember many days spend sulking at the playground, with babies crawling all around and no one recognizing my existence. Yeah, just like high school, only with the addition of an infant.

Things weren't much better at Acrosports, where I saw and was ignored by the same moms every week. A neighborhood moms group helped a bit, but just about everyone in it was headed back to work when their children were still quite young, so there were few opportunities for hanging out.

After a while, I had an insight. I had been treating motherhood like one giant hobby club, and expected that every mom would want to be friends with every other mom. Look at all we had in common! We've all had babies! We change diapers! We all need more sleep! Instead, it's been more instructive for me to see motherhood as a job. Sure, we are connected by our common motherhood, but that in itself, sadly, doesn't pull us together. When I think about all the coworkers I've had throughout my working life, there have only been about a dozen people with whom I really connected and became good friends. With most people, I interacted in polite water-cooler relationships, and some coworkers were so crazy/creepy/whatever I went out of my way to avoid them. Why should the giant motherhood cartel be any different?

Luckily over time I have made a few mom friends. I cherish them, and look forward to preschool, where I am sure I will make some more friends.

But that sad lonely feeling is still there sometimes. Maybe it never goes away. Some days as I chase Jack around the playground I catch sight of new moms with small babies. I always make sure to smile, say hello, and compliment them on their children. Life as a mom is rough enough -- we can all use a little bit of kindness, or just the acknowledgment that we are seen. And when it comes right down it, I love every mom, because every mom is me.

The end of irony and other assorted tidbits

Big brain growth spurt this week. All day long Jack asks "why?".

Here's an interesting mental exercise: explain the concept of jury duty to a 2 1/2 year old.

We have many earnest conversations where there is absolutely no room for irony. "That's right, that man does have a penis" and "the goat poops out of that hole".

When we read "C is for Coyote" (one of our alphabet books) we substitute words, so instead of b is for bobcat, b is for butterfly. Then we read the text with the substitute words (anybody out there remember Mad Libs?). He thinks it's hysterical.

Jack pronounces coyote "coytoye" and I don't think I ever want him to say it the correct way.

After months of passionately loving the wild animals at Coyote Point, Jack is getting crazy about farm animals. The goats at the zoo are his new favorites, although he is a bit scared of them still. Each time he gets more brave. Today on the way to the zoo he said "I really really really want to pet the goats today." He enjoyed brushing and petting them over and over.

Jack's also nuts for snakes. When we went for a hike last week at Arastradero we saw a gopher snake, which thrilled him. He has 2 small plastic snakes, which he calls gopher snake and rattlesnake. Dig his explanation of snake names: rattlesnake have rattles at the end of their tails, king snakes have kings at the end of the their tails, gopher snakes have gophers at the end of their tails, etc.

We kept the stroller at home and walked everywhere this week. He willingly walked (or ran) for 3+ hour spans through the zoo, as well as on the sidewalks to and from the playground and through the farmers market.

Goodbye naps!

Yesterday was Jack's fourth day in a row without a nap. Wednesday night he slept from 7:30 to 7. Last night he slept from 7:45 to 7. I don't think I've ever seen him as well-rested and happy as he was yesterday. He played by himself for most of the afternoon. By himself! Happily! This is a very encouraging and joyful turn.

Jacksitting

In the past month we've (finally) entered the realm of babysitting. We've left Jack twice with 2 different sitters, and he did great each time. His last nighttime sitter, Ian, made quite an impact on Jack -- he's been talking about her ever since, and wants a picture of the two of them together.

Today another sitter came and played with him for 3 hours while I caught up on a bunch of stuff. As I sat at my computer and listened to them as they hung out in Jack's room, I realized why I'm so tired at the end of each day -- the boy is exhausting! He just doesn't stop talking and playing and jumping up and down (sometimes all at once). When Paula left Jack was very nearly vibrating with energy.

Here's what I accomplished during those 3 hours:
made bread dough
started a load of laundry
answered emails
called my sister
filled out Jack's preschool paperwork
filed about 4 months worth of bills
worked on my website (hooray!)

What an awesome luxury. I felt like I was on vacation!

Eating right out of the garden

While we were watering the vegetables this morning, Jack wanted a beet, so I pulled one up out of the dirt, washed it off, and he ate it raw standing in the garden, with beet juice running down his face. Then he ate one of our carrots! Obviously we need to plant more vegetables....

I decided to check one of the potato plants, and since I could feel a potato in the dirt, I pulled it up. Six small potatoes! I'll let the other potato plants grow much longer, but I just had to see them to believe them.

No luck at all so far with the lettuces and zucchini. Something (I'm guessing snails) eats each zucchini sprout almost immediately, and the lettuces just never got beyond tiny sprouts. I started another batch of lettuce, using fewer seeds, and I'll try the zucchini this time on the deck.

Fruits (and vegetables) of our labor

Our edible garden experiments are coming along well. We've pulled a few young carrots and beets and they have been tasty, albeit small. Next year I'll thin the young plants better. We have 4 big pots with potatoes, 3 tomato plants, and newly planted lettuces and zucchini. The big surprise has been our apple trees. We planted them just over a year ago, and each has a ton of small apples. I'm not sure when to try to eat them -- many are blushing already, but I've read that the earliest apples aren't ripe until July. And they are still quite small. I guess we'll wait a bit and see.

I'm already thinking of next year and dreaming about new plants, but in the meantime I potted some herbs and installed them in our atrium, where they get a fair amount of and are out of harm's (aka slugs and snails) way.

A pillow socky for bobcat

A few weeks ago, we made a pillow socky for the bobcat at Coyote Point. As you can see from the first photo, Jack was so excited that he fell asleep in the car! I wasn't sure if the staff was merely being polite when they said they "loved it," so it was a delight and a surprise to see our pillow socky in bobcat's area yesterday. I couldn't get a decent photo of both the pillow socky and bobcat, but that's her in the background, asleep. We may make another pillow socky for the coyote next!

A day at Tilden

Yesterday we took advantage of the light holiday weekend traffic and sped over to Tilden Park. Our first stop was the steam train, which is my favorite local train ride -- I love the views and the scenery. Jack liked it too, but he was a bit confused about our location; he kept asking to see the meerkats next (no little dude, that's the zoo).

We left the train and drove to the Little Farm area, where we enjoyed a little picnic in the grass, then explored the farm, which Jack did not like like at all. He expressed disdain for all the everyday animals, and only wanted to see meerkats (sorry little dude, not here). After a quick tour of the visitor center we set off on a spontaneous hike.

I did have a Tilden map, but had a hard time telling what trail we were on (turns out the Olmstead Brothers map is much better for this part of the park, anyway, it was Lower Pack Rat). We walked on a narrow path lined with lush vegetation, including thimbleberry, blackberry, and currant, as well as dogwood, ninebark, twinberry, hazelnut, alder and other typical riparian natives. This is a very good path for kids, because it's nearly level and poison oak is present, but not dominant. Chickadees flitted about and we got a glimpse of two deer through the foliage. Eventually we ended up at the tip of Jewel Lake, and it was an easy walk back to Little Farm and the parking lot. Jack walked the entire first leg, but on the way back started to get seriously poky. I carried him the last 1/2 mile, and he fell asleep on the way home. Fun day!

New interests

Jack has gone completely bonkers for letters and numbers. He sometimes wakes up crying about them -- I think at those times he's frustrated because he's not counting or spelling right that second. All day long we spell and count and read books about numbers and letters. He knows all the letters and can count to 13 (sometimes 14). On a hunch we got him They Might Be Giants "Here Comes the ABCs" on dvd and that has been an enormous hit. If he could I think he would watch it over and over all day long (he sure asks to!).

In the morning, as soon as he finishes watching the ABCs dvd, he starts running around the house shouting "Coyote Point Museum" repeatedly. The river otter, coyote, raccoons, badger, and owl are fascinating and get admired accordingly, but Jack particularly adores the bobcat. We also spend a lot of time visiting the bee hive. Last week Jack watched the bees coming into the hive and said "some of them have pollen on their legs, and some of them don't."

The two of us went for a short hike this morning "up on the mountain" (Mount Davidson). He walked up the fire road to the top, then I loaded him into the backpack and carried him the rest of the loop. Wow, he is heavy. We are looking into a different carrier option, as the backpack really compresses my upper chest and feels very uncomfortable. Jack really enjoyed both the walking and the backpacking, so that was a happy thing for me.

Family hike!

We successfully accomplished our first family hike of the toddler era this morning. Previous attempts had been quite bad, with lots of tears, screaming, and tantrums. Jack would ride or walk for a short distance, then stop to pick up rocks and demand to go home.

Today's hike was at San Pedro Valley Park in Pacifica, one of my favorite places to hike. Valley View Loop was a good choice, not too long and with lots to see, including plenty of monkeyflower and ceanothus blooming. Paintbrush and coyote mint were just starting their blooms. Hans carried Jack in the backpack and kept him occupied the entire way, pointing out a deer, flowers, birds, views, and lots of trailside scat. We didn't see a bobcat but we went to the visitor center after our hike and showed Jack the stuffed bobcats (we called them pretend bobcats for now) and he was happy with that.


Jack fell asleep in the car on the way home and is now napping. Hurray!

Calm and happy (but tired) today

It's been a dry week for naps until today, when Jack relented and finally took one. He's been going to sleep a bit earlier, but still gets up 6ish (sometimes earlier). His moods are more stable this week, and we've had fewer tantrums.

With no naps to schedule, our days are more free. We've had some really fun trips, to Coyote Point, the Zoo, and the Discovery Museum. He really adores seeing the animals at Coyote Point, and talks about them all the time. The zoo is always a happy destination as long as the train is running. And now everything at the Discovery Museum is interesting to him, so we can easily spend an entire day there.

Not much else to report, except potty training is pretty much off this week. Been too tired to fully concentrate on it, and Jack's been mostly unwilling.

A conversation

Me: "Jack, it's rest time."
Jack: "Don't want to nap."
Me: "What does robot say about that? Remember? Your body needs lots of rest so you can run fast and play."
Jack: "I don't care."

About 1/2 hour later he fell asleep on the floor.

Train rides

Today Jack wanted a smoke stack on his little potty (like the one in "The Potty Train" book). I cut one out of cardboard and taped it to the back of the potty. No, he wanted it on the front -- duh mommy, it's a smokestack! So I carefully centered it on the front and he managed to get on the potty. Immediately he revised his demands. Now he also wanted a bell and a whistle. Could I put them on the back? No no mommy, on the front, next to the smokestack. I reduced the smokestack, then made a whistle and bell and taped them on either side. He could still get on the potty, carefully, but then he didn't want to poop there. Instead he asked to sit on the big potty, which he did very successfully, all the while admiring the small potty. We sat there so long we had time to make up names for the potties. Small potty is "Little Puffer." Big potty is "Big Boy."

Napping update: he fell asleep sitting on the floor, leaning against his bed, during his "rest time." He's still there!

Preschool bound

We found out yesterday that we have been accepted into preschool. Lucky for us -- we only applied to one, so if hadn't got in, we would have had to wait another year. Jack will be in an afternoon program 3 days a week, starting in September. So we have 4 months and change to drop his nap and potty train.

Turns out the nap thing is mostly over anyway, if this week is typical. Jack gets up for the day between 6-7, same as always. Monday he wouldn't nap, and went to sleep at 8:30. Yesterday he was insanely tired and eventually had a nap from 3-5:15, and was asleep around 10 (I think I may have beat him to slumberland, but I actually can't remember; Hans was monitoring the situation closely while I passed out). Today he didn't nap but we did ok -- he stayed in his room for an hour and ransacked the place, but not as completely as Monday. He will not stay in bed and try to nap. He will shred his books into strips, dump legos out of their bin, open and shut the shutters, and pull diapers out of their drawer. Today I got to him just before he pillaged the wipes box.

My coping with this new arrangement is improving. Monday felt like a disastrous battle and yesterday was really hard, but I think I can help him better next time he gets that tired, by reading to him in our chair instead of insisting he get into bed. When I did that yesterday he then willingly got into bed and I sang to him until he fell asleep. Today he was way more cheerful and not tired at all, so I just let him run around in his room while I read in another room for an hour. I will admit that it's much harder to get stuff done, so I let him watch a couple of Yo Gabba Gabbas (like right now) so I can make dinner and do the other million things I do every day. Blogging turns out to be essential because it helps me relax and reconnect with myself. It's a trade-off I'm ok with.

Groundhog days

Jack loves repetition. We read the same Winnie the Pooh stories, play the same games, and listen to the same cds, over and over and over. For months, we constantly listened to a Beatles compilation Hans made, and Jack begged to hear his "moon song" whenever we were in the car. Lately, Jack's favorite cd is They Might Be Giants "Here Come the ABC's." It's very listenable for parents, but we hear it so much that neither Hans nor I can get the songs out of our heads.

On Friday I couldn't face another morning of listening to "Who Put the Alphabet in Alphabetical Order" and "Go Go Go for G," so I whisked Jack off to the Zoo. He climbed up the tall tower then slid down the tube slide for awhile, then we rode the train 2 times, had lunch at the Leaping Lemur Cafe, and strolled through the monkey area. We got to see a zebra and giraffe, which he enjoyed. Hours of zoo fun, with no musical accompaniment! Then back home for a nap. I was exhausted, but my mind enjoyed the break!

Sick and tired

What a challenging week. I've been struggling with another cold and premenstrual fatigue, and Jack, well, he's just been nuts.

We've been battling all week at nap time -- yesterday Jack wouldn't stay in bed and I was in and out of his room many many times, but he did finally go to sleep. Today, I figured that after a morning at the Discovery Museum he'd be tired out and ready for a nap. I put him in bed and flopped down to rest a bit. He was quiet for awhile, but then I heard him out of bed. I went in to find a mangled diaper and pee all over the bed, the carpet, and his clothes (he was "looking for my penis"). I put him in clean clothes and changed the sheets, but he was very wound up and it was pretty obvious he wasn't going to nap. I was so tired and emotionally worn down that I called Hans and he kindly came home from work early. The two of them went off to buy a new tire for Hans's Norton, and Jack fell asleep in the car on the way home. He woke up at 5:15, so we have no idea what will happen this evening. This is one of those days when I wished I had a job so I could have an 8 hour break from toddertown.

In other news, potty training is chugging along. He's been really good about pooping in the potty, and is willing to wear underpants sometimes, but most of the time he won't. I think we've drifted into the forbidden zone that parents of potty trained kids warn against -- going back and forth from diapers to underpants when you're supposed to discard the diapers and never look back. Oh well.

I've been giving him small gifts as potty bribes, and they have included little plastic animals. Black bear is now named "bear bear" as well as "teeth bear" (Jack brushed the bear's teeth with one of those small magnetic letters so popular with toddlers). Bobcat is just bobcat and beaver just beaver. These animals converse with Jack at bedtime and according to Jack, last night he told them how to be careful around scissors and knifes (sic) and cars and parking lots.