We say goodbye to the school on the hill

Friday was Jack's last day in SFUSD's Language and Learning program. Designed for preschoolers with mild to moderate speech and social issues, it was the only early intervention service SFUSD offered Jack.

He started L&L a year ago, squeezing in a month of classes before summer break, then picking up again in autumn.

I remember his first day; his assignment was to Malcolm X, a small elementary school with a gorgeous hilltop view in Hunter's Point. We drove along with garbage trucks down Cargo Way, turned to pass the old power plant site, and headed uphill through the projects to arrive at the school. Jack's teacher, Miss Jeanna, welcomed him and I took off for a few hours, returning to see the kids walking down the hall toward the school doors together, each holding onto a different color of the walking rope. Jack was calm, but his tongue was sticking out a bit, and at the time that was his indicator when he was stressed -- first days can be like that! L&L gave him many challenges: Miss Jeanna kept the day structured with fine motor and gross activities, reading, singing, art, and snack. Everything is designed with communication in mind. Some of the kids this past year were simply speech delayed while others, like Jack, had sensory and social issues. He definitely made progress at Language and Learning, particularly improving his ability to share his space and tolerate a schedule. His speech is better, but social communication was hampered by the other kids' limited communication skills -- this year he probably had the best speech in his class. We deeply appreciated that Miss Jeanna (along with her aide Miss Shamika, whom Jack adored, in part, because he said she always smelled so nice) and Jack's teachers at his preschool approached his challenges the same way, so both programs reinforced each other.

I felt sad saying goodbye to Miss Jeanna. She's the best kind of teacher, smart and kind with incredible reserves of patience and creativity. SFUSD is lucky to have her. I also would not hesitate to recommend L&L placement at Malcolm X. The principal and staff obviously care deeply about their kids, most of whom come from the nearby neighborhood. The school is immaculate and the Language and Learning kids are kept as separate as possible from the other students, to minimize the fear some of the youngest kids might have for those big elementary students!

But we move on now, continuing at Jack's preschool (of which I will write about in a few months) until August when he will start kindergarten!

The lottery

The San Francisco Unified School District (SFUSD), in an attempt to make school placement equitable, runs a lottery each year. Every San Francisco family has a chance to send their child to any public school, and preference is given to families who live in low test score and dense population areas (having a sibling already enrolled in a school gets you an even better chance to have your second get in there as well).

We prepared for this year's lottery. I researched the prospective kindergartens online, then we narrowed down the options by proximity and eliminated the schools that would require nearly an hour of driving (one way). SFUSD announced that starting with the 2011-2012 school year all schools would offer inclusion spots, but we would only consider a space in a school with an already-existing inclusion program. During tours, I spoke with some parents who had been told point-blank by school staff that they did not want inclusion. And those were the ones who admitted it! I'm sure there are others who also are not keen on inclusion, but kept their mouths shut. We really wanted to meet the inclusion staff and see how they would work with Jack. Some schools did not emphasize their inclusion programs and were less than enthusiastic; those schools also did not make our cut.

Here is the list of schools we put on our lottery list:

1) Clarendon. A lovely school with great student diversity and a staff who obviously love their jobs. It's generally regarded as one of the best elementary schools in the city and I fell in love with it.

2) Miraloma. An up-and-coming school with a young principal who seems to truly embrace inclusion. It was the only school we toured where the staff set up a meeting for parents interested in the inclusion program, at which we got to meet the inclusion staff and the principal. Miraloma also has a gym and an auditorium (most SF schools have a combined space), and the gym has a climbing wall, which we loved. They also have a cute garden and chickens, which was a surprisingly strong point for me.

3) Lakeshore. Nice location, good grounds, impressed with inclusion staff.

4) Argonne. The resource specialist sold me on the school. She is experienced and a huge asset to a school with very strong test scores. Not a great location for us, but we thought the drive would be worth it.

5) Dianne Feinstein. Our safety-net school.

I rustled up our paperwork and documents, waited in line at the SFUSD downtown headquarters, and then we waited.

The envelope from SFUSD arrived, and Hans opened it.

Have you read Shirley Jackson's book "the Lottery"? It's a grim tale of an annual village superstition where one person is stoned to death to ensure an adequate harvest. The victim is chosen by lottery. The look on Hans' face as he read the placement letter was not as grim as it would be for one about to be stoned; it was more an expression of disgust and disbelief. We got none of our choices, and were offered a school without an existing inclusion program. We'd "won" the SFUSD lottery.

For me the biggest frustration is all that wasted research time, with zero payoff for the hard work. And I know we're not alone, for quite a few other families in our area got none of the schools on their lists either. Some are now waiting for round 2 results. Others may home school.

In the end, we hit the jackpot in a different sort of lottery, one we were happy to win -- Jack was accepted to a small private school that welcomes kids with minor to moderate learning difficulties. Thanks to grandparent funding, he'll start there in the fall.

So goodbye to SFUSD, with its broken promise of a good education for all.

Here I am

Yow. I've been meaning to write but got waylaid by the inertia of having not written for so long. That's such a nastily written sentence you can see I'm out of practice. But I have to start somewhere, so here I am today, starting somewhere.

Since late September, we have:

* been attending a great preschool as well as a fantastic language and learning program (Jack)

* mostly adjusted to a new job in San Francisco (Hans)

* rode around the mountains for a weekend on a motorcycle rally (Hans)

* traveled to Baton Rouge for a family visit

* enjoyed a visit from my mom and sister

* stayed two nights in a Steep Ravine cabin e

ven though Hans had the stomach flu

* celebrated Jack's 5th birthday with a small party

* made it through holiday time off from school, which is always the hardest for Jack

* survived being sick -- all three of us at the same time, thankfully Jack was least sick

* made a day trip to the Sierra for Jack's first exposure to snow

* stayed in Yosemite Valley for two nights

* strapped on skis for the first tim

e and had a lesson (Jack)

It's all been really mostly ok. We've been stretching ourselves to do things which previously

felt impossible, such as traveling, one of us parents

going away for a few days, trying ne

w things which might be scary (snow, tubing, skiing, staying in unfamiliar places), and these new experiences have been difficult but also fun. We've discovered that Jack likes being around people (although not too many at one time), is able to follow directions and focus, and is increasingly willing to try new things. By the way, he loves to eat snow and the Little Mermaid is just too scary.

Jack has found ways to surprise us with unexpecte

d emotional growth. Out of the blue in mid-December he asked how Santa was going to get into our house on Christmas Eve. He had never "got" Santa before -- we actually though it was a quandary that we would never need to anguish over. He's interested now in holidays (and not just because of presents), the solstice, seasons, and days of the week. Minor growth, for sur

e, but to me it shows an increase in the awareness of his place in the world. He also comes home from school remembering activities and talking about books they read, absorbing his days rather than having them wash over him like a bank of fog.

But the biggest change is a sharp new interest in girls. He says boys are hard to make friends with, but he is in love with girls. His gaze is drawn to them everywhere, all kinds of girls of all ages, at playgrounds, in stores, on the street! His interactions with them are clumsy and awkward, but he is

at least displaying interest for the first time. He adores t

he single girl at school (b

oth programs are all male except for that one girl) and expresses love and caring for her. They play together well but her parents don't speak English and we don't speak Spanish, so we haven't been able to get the kids together for a playdate outside of school. We sent a note home with her for Jack's birthday party but maybe they couldn't read it. Oh well, will keep trying.

At home Jack is crazy for his Wii, which he got for his birthday. We work on his balance with the Wii Fit and he likes the exercise "games," since they add up his time spent exercising and he moves up a level with more work, something he really enjoys. When the weather is nice he goes biking with Hans on his new trail-a-bike (a present from Santa). Drawing on the sidewalk with chalk as well as inside on paper with crayons is still on the top of his activity list. We did several Lego kits together over the holiday break, and he was able to focus very well on those projects. Otherwise he still plays with his toys in a mostly unusual way; he tends to make up complicated games revolving around a current obsession, games that are difficult to follow and rather confusing. Hans has been working on expanding Jack's tolerance here, pushing for the games to make more sense while exploring social issues and feelings. We also (mostly successfully) play Uno, Blockus, Labryinth, checkers, and Scrabble. Jack's getting better about losing, but that's still a work in progress.

One of the great joys in the past few months has been reading together. Hans read him the Hobbit, and I'm working through Narnia. It's lovely to see Jack asking good questions about the stories and understanding sophisticated themes.

Off now to do some chores while Jack is at school. More blogging soon!

A new read

(Warning: Narnia spoilers in this post!)

Years ago Hans and I purchased a copy of The Complete Chronicles of Narnia. I had some knowledge of this C.S. Lewis classic but had never read it. It sat on our bookshelves until a few months ago when I read a few chapters in "The Magician's Nephew" (the first book in the series) to Jack. He thought it was too scary and we put it aside "until I am 5."

It became a joke between us; when selecting a book at bedtime I would sometimes offer Narnia and he would laugh and remind me he was not yet 5. Jack's birthday is months away and I'm bored with Fantastic Mr. Fox and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and the Dragons of Blueland and Winnie the Pooh. In fact very especially bored with Winnie the Pooh; I'm so jaded that "the Enchanted Place" no longer has the power to make me cry. So when Hans went out of the town for the weekend recently and I had bedtime duty 3 nights in a row, I bribed Jack into reading Narnia. I offered him 5 extra minutes of Toki Tori play time for each chapter of Narnia. He went for it!

At first he complained about how much he didn't like it; that he was only listening for Toki Tori time. But then we drew near the end of "Magician's Nephew" and a curious thing happened. He started asking questions about the story. "Why is Jadis so evil?" "Why did eating the apple make her pale?" "How did Aslan die and come back to life?" And more. This is the first book we've ever read together to prompt so much thought and discourse. I'm not even sure how to answer most of the the questions, but we talk about it together and it's been a rich conversation. Sometime we will sit and read a few chapters in the middle of the day without any talk of Toki Tori time. And Aslan has been popping up in Jack's roller coaster drawings, which is a compliment of the highest order.

We've now finished the first book and started "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe." Narnia continues to prompt conversations and enchant both of us. I love the wry humor and Lewis's lovely descriptive writing. The queen is super scary! And Aslan is so powerful! I think I've found the children's book for me.

New beginnings

Jack started his new preschool this past week. It's a very small SF school which provides specialized support to kids who need help with social skills, speech, and physical issues. We supplement this afternoon program with a 2 morning a week SFUSD language and learning program.

Our new schedule means we spend a good deal of time in the car, and Jack's days are longer than he is used to. He has been tired at the end of each day, but happy. In fact, he reported "I have a friend," a girl he's been playing with at language and learning.

Yesterday Jack and I were talking casually and he said, "that was back when I didn't like myself." My heart froze for a moment as I tried and failed to rewind what he had said just before that. He didn't want to talk about that time, of not liking himself; it seemed to be something he has worked through and so does not need to be discussed further. We believe this summer was a detox for him -- whatever happened in his previous preschool was not good, and now he's better, to our immense relief.

One more thing. He doesn't pretend to be other people anymore. He's just Jack. Just the way we love him.

Our happy place

We are back from our second annual week at Camp Mather, a San Francisco-owned and run family camp in the Sierra. The camp is situated at a dusty crossroad with routes to Hetch Hetchy reservoir and through Stanislaus Forest at a bit above 4000 feet. Visitors can stay in one of 116 cabins or 20 tent sites shaded by a thin forest of ponderosa pine, cedar, and black oak. The grounds, which formerly housed workers who built Hetch Hetchy, have shared bathhouses, a dining hall (all meals are included in the fee), a small lake, pool, and general store. Ping pong tables are sprinkled throughout, as are boulders which provide endless entertainment for smaller kids. The camp runs activities such as crafts, talent shows, and family movies, so it's possible to stay busy at the camp if you like. For folks who want to roam about, it's a short drive to Yosemite Valley and Hetch Hetchy Reservoir, and there are several trailheads in a 10 mile radius, starting points for hikes in the woods or romps in the branches of the Tuolumne River.

Our Camp Mather vacation planning started way back in the early months of this year, as we opted into the annual lottery for San Francisco residents. In spring we learned we did not get a spot, and were very far down the waitlist. But, just like last year, at the beginning of August our number came up and off we went.

We loved this year's cabin, which was a well-shaded single on the lake side. Last year's cabin (aka the split hot box) received sun throughout the day, so it was super hot at night. It also shared a wall with another cabin, and the noise was very bad at night (we never met the other family but their kids went to “bed” quite late).

Our days were pretty lazy, and started with a cozy family snuggle. We rode our bikes to breakfast at the dining hall, then hung around our cabin (stomp rocketing was a hit) until the pool opened, which as the week progressed became more and more Jack's focus. One morning was reserved for our annual Hetch Hetchy hike. Our goal is to hike a bit further each year; mission accomplished, but we still haven't made it very far. We didn't reach the junction with the trail climbing up to the north; not only was it hot, but smoke from two nearby fires made the heat feel quite oppressive. I do love the view along the reservoir, but this hike is one of my least favorite in the Sierra. I shudder crossing the damn dam (fear of heights) and then again going through the tunnel (to quote Ponyo – “don't like this place”). But a visit to Hetch Hetchy is part of our family tradition now and we all enjoy the drive.

Another morning we drove north to Cherry Lake, with mixed results. It's a gorgeous drive on a road that dips down to cross the Tuolumne before climbing through chaparral and conifers to... well there's a lake here, but how to get to it? We found the boat ramp and a very nice (albeit lonely) campground, but no signed day-use access, no little store, nothing. When we got back to Mather I scanned the map more carefully (which I should have done prior to the trip), noticing too late that the road only runs around the lower part of the lake (actually a reservoir) before heading out on gravel east toward Lake Eleanor; the other end of the road sweeps off to the west to CA108. The later route showed promise for a fun motorcycle ride sometime in the future, but I wouldn't make the trip to Cherry Lake again. Next year we'll zip down to Yosemite Valley instead.

At camp if we weren't splashing in the pool we ignored all the other options – the small old school playground, arts and crafts programs, shirt tie-dieing, volleyball, archery, nature walks and the like. A few times we floated around the lake in our inflatable boat, and Hans and I took turns hanging out with Jack so each of us could have short breaks to read, swim, etc. But really it was all about the pool for Jack.

For the first few days Jack floated around the pool inside a star-shaped inflatable but when it sprang an unfix able leak (and the store was out of new ones) he adapted to the lack of a floaty without fuss or fear. He took the preschool swimming lesson 3 days, and when his teacher suggested he was ready for the beginning class (for 5 year olds), he elected to try it on the last day. The teacher was mediocre and he had a tough time understanding her instruction, but he showed so much determination it was really emotional to watch. Overall the week built a strong base for swim lessons here in SF, so we're on the hunt for a good pool and a patient teacher.

We had a blast with our made-up game, “torpedo snatch” – using the super fun toypedo. Hans and I swept it back and forth just under the surface of the water while Jack tried to intercept it. When he did get it he would giggle madly and attempt to toss it over the ropes into the deeper part of the pool. Then it was our job to dive under and retrieve it. The game was so infectious that by the last day other kids were asking to get in on the fun.

It was an awesome week – from the coyotes singing the camp good morning to the incredible stars at night. We can't wait for next year!

Some tips for Mather beginners:

The cabins are rustic for sure. Just beds, a dresser, closet, and bookshelf (if you're lucky). Picnic table out front. Yes, there is electricity.

Mule rides (and every other pony/mule/horse option) sold out almost immediately; next year we will reserve a spot at the corral upon arrival.

If you are sensitive to altitude changes, take it easy the first day. Last year I took the swim test (a swim out to the lake dock and back and then treading water) the afternoon of our arrival, and was surprised how winded I felt. This year I waited until the second day and had an easier time.

If you have a choice of dates, the camp is hotter and the mosquitoes are more common early in the season. We have found the last few weeks of camp (in August) to be a perfect combination of weather and fewer bugs. It's also easiest to get a reservation when SFUSD schools are in session.

The food is good! If you have a picky eater note that peanut butter and jelly and cereal are available at every meal. Breakfasts alternates between eggs, pancakes, and hot cereals, with fruit available each morning. Lunches are simple – most campers opt to order a bag lunch at dinner for the next day – choose pbj, turkey, roast beef, or a veggie option. Each lunch comes with fruit, chips, and a cookie. During our week we enjoyed fish, pasta with meat sauce, tacos, eggplant parm, turkey dinner, bbq chicken, and bbq tri-tip for dinner. Desserts were tasty too, and included orange cake, pies, ice cream, and chocolate cake. Alcohol is permitted in the camp, and many parents tote a bottle of wine or beers for dinner. A week without cooking is a huge vacation for me – no shopping, preparing, or cleaning... I loved it.

Watch out for bears. We actually saw a young bear in camp during the afternoon one day – an uncommon occurrence. Bears do make appearances at night, so keep the area around your cabin secure, with all food inside. Squirrels also will try to invade your cabin/picnic table. Keep the door closed when you're not within the immediate area.

Cabins lock from the inside, and if you bring a padlock you can lock your cabin when you're away. However, safety is not much of an issue in the camp. Hans came up with this brilliant idea -- we wrote our lock combination on our camp wristbands with a sharpie. Camp staff advises that inflatables left at the lake be locked at night – must be a safety issue? A thin bicycle-type cable lock works well for this.

Bring more towels than you think you might need, or a clothesline to dry them.

There are washers and dryers if you need them.

There is one bathtub in the whole camp – in the women's side of bathhouse A.

Everyone rides bikes everywhere. Make sure your kids have helmets and wear them every time they ride their bikes. There are not a lot of rules at Camp Mather, but staff is really serious about the helmet issue.

Cell phone reception is non-existent. I tested out the reception on the way back and found no coverage at all until we reached Priest; even then reception was spotty until the bottom of the grade. I heard Evergreen Lodge (just a mile from camp) has wi-fi if you're desperate for email.

From the Mather website: “call Camp Mather directly, 209-379-2284, Thursday nights to see if there are any last minute vacancies for the following week. Mather Manager, Claudia Reinhart, offers available reservations from last minute cancellations on a first come first served basis at camp.”

Christmas lights are traditional – we used one set to decorate the outside of the cabin and one set inside as a nightlight.

More tips here.

It's good to be polite

Quite suddenly Jack has become a polite child. He says please, thank you, you're welcome, bless you, pardon me, and sorry (if someone is hurt). The other night he was trying to get himself to sleep and I was in the adjoining room. I sneezed 5 times and he yelled "bless you!" from his room. He's also making an effort to use his fork while eating noodles and the like.

The two of us have been hiking (here he is in the photo thinking about Winnie the Pooh near a clump of gorse bush at San Bruno) nearly every week, going to various city playgrounds daily, and Hans has taken Jack out for weekend jaunts to Fairyland, the Oakland Zoo, and Great America. Jack loved GA, especially the water rides -- we'll be back. At Fairyland he made a friend and together the two of them rode the carousel, the Jolly Trolley, and the Dragon Slide. He told me later that he kissed his new friend! Unfortunately this girl lives in the east bay, but it was great he was able to stretch his social skills. Yesterday at the playground with a little prompting Jack asked a girl to bounce with him. He's making great strides here!

About a month ago I took him to a PT for an evaluation. She found him to have "weakness in his proximal musculature." To help him with this we will continue to hike and bike, plus get him swimming, and work on increasing his core strength. The PT also recommended increased "heavy work" and physical activity -- Jack loves jumping into cushions and when Hans comes home he has been asking to "rassle." Since we've been presenting him with situations where his body gets increased sensory feedback I think he is slightly less "bouncy" and more calm.

One big bummer that became a great teachable moment -- Jack ran away from Hans when they were out biking at a campus near our house. Hans called me and I came running to help. I found Jack's bike but no Jack and I was terrified he'd been snatched (illogical I know, but this was my greatest fear). Turned out he rode his bike down the hill from where Hans was, but then decided to walk back up to where he had "lost" Hans. A helpful maintenance worker found him and was taking him back to the school's maintenance office. By that time the police had arrived (thank you Google voice for helping me find the local police phone number while I was running around searching) and when we got back down the hill Jack was sitting in the front seat of a police car. (He said later he liked that because inside the car there were lots of numbers.) We made our way back home as calmly as possible and got Jack to sleep. The next day we sat him down and talked about what to do if he got lost again -- not to get in a car with someone he doesn't know well, not to run off, etc. Since then he has been awesome and I've tested the waters by leaving him just outside the bathrooms at Golden Gate Park and Limantour Beach and he's done totally fine. He seems to really get this lesson -- I hope so because my blood pressure was insane for hours after he was lost!