The best laid plans of mice and mommys

We're still here. Potty training progress has been slow (Thursday was a disaster), but we keep moving forward. Unfortunately, it looks as if we'll need to postpone his preschool start date, since Jack's not really up to the required potty training standards. However, this evening he did poop in the potty, a big step!

A bit better today

Things have improved. Jack peed several times in his underpants or bathing suit today, but only a little at a time. When he sat on the potty he peed quite a bit, so it feels like he's figuring things out.

We had a gorgeous sunny warm day today, so we spent most of the day in the yard or on the deck. Jack went snail hunting and we picked our daily apple from our gravenstein tree.

He did poop in his underpants again, but it wasn't as messy as yesterday. We'll work on that tomorrow.

I do feel hopeful this evening.

Potty training: day 2

(warning: somewhat graphic potty talk ahead. skip this post if you're likely to be offended.)

Day one was good. Jack was excited about the chocolate chips and only had one accident all day. We even went to the playground and used the bathroom there 5 times.

Day two not so good. I expected some resistance after a successful day one, and I got it. He would not be swayed by chocolate chips. We went through about a dozen pairs of underpants and pants, shorts, pajama bottoms, you name it. He achieved one spectacular poop-in-his-pants outside in the garden. The only remedy for that was a quick bath.

Toward the end of the afternoon I no longer used a timer or asked him if he was ready to sit on the potty. I just picked him up and plopped him down. He protested, but oh well -- tell it to the judge.

But what Jack might not realize is this: I won't back down. I don't want to go through this again. Forward only.

Panic

Wow, I really screwed up. I remembered Jack's first day of preschool as September 15th, but I just found out it's the 3rd. That's next week.

So we're canceling all plans and hunkering down with a stack of underpants and a bag of chocolate chips.

Wish us luck!

Progress

Jack's sleeps are stretching slowly, slowly. He's been going to sleep between 7:45-9 (usually around 8:30) and sleeping through to 6:30 or 6:45.

I have to say, getting up for the day at 6:30 is way better than the 5am wake up call Jack used to provide.

He's also getting better at putting himself to sleep -- twice this week we read to him until he was calm, then left the room and (eventually) Jack fell asleep, without running around or wrecking his room. Last night when I went to tuck him in before I went to sleep, I found he had fallen asleep in the little pillow nest behind his bed, with a book in his hands.

Big boys and auntie Dorothy

My sister and 2 of her 3 sons came for a visit last week. We all had a great time playing cards, picking blackberries, and hiking, among other things.

The highlight for everyone was probably our afternoon at Limantour Beach. Giancarlo and Matthew built sandcastles and Jack ran up and down the beach with Hans while Dorothy and I sat and talked while watching the waves.

I was quite worn out by the time they headed back to Boston, but happy!

Babysitter

Sitting happily with a bag of Bronx grapes (http://www.slowfoodusa.org/ark/bronx_grapes.html) at the San Francisco Ferry Building farmers market Saturday.

Love bug

I usually don't notice any big sudden changes in Jack's development, but a few days ago he had a dramatic increase in his language skills -- he started speaking clearly in full sentences and using "I" consistently instead of "b" (for beeboo).

He's also become very snuggly and loving. All day long he says "I love you mommy," and "I miss da," (when Hans is at work). He'll come up to me and say "give mommy hug and kiss," which is wonderful.

Jack's still crazy about letters and numbers. He prefers the "red" playground over any other because this playground has some letters and numbers panels and no other nearby playground does. At home he makes letters out of wooden blocks and requests that we draw or paint numbers on paper. This morning he spelled ice cream: ixcereo.

Quote of the day: "Letters eat everything. Letters are omnivores."

Mountain joy

Jack went to sleep late then got up early 2 nights in a row. Yesterday we spent the morning at the farmers market and playground, then came home for lunch and quiet time. Jack got whiny and I knew he was tired, so I let him crash in his room (he fell asleep on the floor). But he only slept for 45 minutes and woke up in a state. This happens from time to time and I never know what to make of it -- he cries and cries and nothing seems right. I held him and tried to get him to stop crying long enough to tell me what was wrong so we could fix it. But maybe the world was wrong, because nothing helped.

I called Hans to ask for advice and he suggested taking Jack for a drive or watching a video. I got Jack dressed, strapped him into the car, and drove up to the top of "our" mountain. It was foggy yesterday, and little rivulets of water drained down the fire road. As soon as his feet hit the muddy trail, he calmed down. Swinging the blackberry bucket and carrying a small wooden giraffe, Jack hiked up to the top of the hill with me, where we spent quite a while picking blackberries. He is really a very good berry picker -- sees the best ones and goes for them, regardless of the thorns.

When we had picked all the ripe berries on those hilltop bushes we wound our way downhill past Hummingbird Point, trekked across the grassland where a hawk watched our progress from a dead tree, and squeezed through the native treasures segment of the trail. Jack tried his first huckleberry. Ghostly white snowberries dangled from their branches like tiny full moons. We trudged back into the forest to the fire road and back to car, all the while debating the fruit preferences of his favorite animals (Jack thinks coyotes love strawberries the best). He hiked the entire way, and never once asked me to carry him.

It just looks like a hula skirt

We're taking a break from potty training the past few days, and we were out of our regular diapers yesterday, so Jack was wearing pull-ups. At the playground his diaper gave way, leaving his pants soaked. I had slipped up on one of the foremost rules of toddlerhood -- always bring extra pants! So I took his pants off and draped his "toasty warm" over his thighs. He said he was comfortable all the way home in the stroller!

Also visible: bowl of pretzels, cup with our proprietary blend of carrot and apple juices, favorite new king snake toy, and Dinosaur Train book.

The magic of the Red Balloon

Jack watches almost no tv these days. His heavy infatuation with his ABC's and 123's dvds has abated a bit, and occasionally he'll ask to watch a Yo Gabba Gabba episode, but mostly we're unplugged. I almost never encourage him to watch anything, with one exception: I plop him down on the sofa to watch the Red Balloon when he really needs a nap.

This lovely French movie from 1956 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Red_Balloon) is one of Hans's favorites from his childhood. It follows a young boy and his balloon through Paris. Our dvd is subtitled, but there isn't much dialog, and it doesn't seem to matter to Jack. He watches rapt and then falls asleep.

Looking for bedtime solutions

I once read on another blog that after you make it through your child's first year, you never give your child's sleep another thought. Either that parent was extraordinarily lucky or we're abnormal, because sleep is just about all we do talk about here (well, and the futility of potty training).

I've come to terms with the idea that Jack is not a big sleeper. He sleeps fine, just not very much. Most nights he's slumbering by 8 or 8:30, and he wakes up for the day between 6-6:30. That doesn't leave us much time to ourselves, but we take what we can get. The real problem is getting him to sleep, a task which Hans undertakes most nights. About 1/2 the time Jack does fall asleep on his own (eventually and after some power struggles), either when Hans is reading to him or by himself once Hans leaves his room. But the rest of the time is not fun: Jack gets out of bed, runs to his door, opens it, and runs out to find us. And, oh how he laughs.

I pretty much avoid specific-topic parenting books, but I'm wondering if we need a little sleep guidance here. We've tried a bit of a technique I saw once on Nanny 911 (back when I thought the experts had the answers), wherein the parent continually places the runaway child back in bed, as many times as it takes until the child gives up and goes to sleep. It hasn't worked and I surmised it was because we didn't keep it up until he surrendered, but last night I tried it until Jack became totally hysterical, so it doesn't seem like a good option for us.

I guess that leaves us, on those nights when Jack won't settle down on his own, in a familiar position of reading with him until he falls asleep, which we did just about every night from the time he started teething until Jack got his big boy bed last year. Maybe we're lucky it took Jack this long to discover he doesn't have to stay in bed at bedtime. But we sure would like things to be a lot more mellow. How does everyone else get their toddlers to sleep?

Mental health day

We had a somewhat rough week at home, recovering from colds or flu or whatever it was, and then Jack went and got himself sick. He's been sick only a handful of times in his life, so I am never prepared for his illnesses; they surprise me each time.

This week his nose has been stuffed up, he's been coughing a bit, and running an occasional low fever. I treated him with Tylenol and a few extra popsicles, but he was a little beast for 2 days, with operatic tantrums, super clinginess, and crazy sleep patterns. Last night Hans fought the Epic Battle of Bedtime, and Jack didn't go to sleep until 10:30. As usual he was up this morning at 6 something.

Hans gave me the day off, so I headed out for a hike around 10:30, only to discover it was flaming hot on the peninsula! Oh well, I hiked anyway, enjoying myself at Pulgas Ridge. (You can read some more about the hike on my new blog: http://bayareahiker.blogspot.com/) I came home hot but happy, took a shower, checked in on Jack (still crazy, still a little sick), then took a nap. What a wonderful relaxing day. Thanks Hans!

Two from the zoo

Almost forgot, we had a fun but mercurial (word of the week around here) trip to the Oakland Zoo last Sunday. This was our second ever visit and the first time we never made it to the Children's Zoo, so Sunday we started there. It is excellent -- the animal areas are large and cheerful and there's plenty of interactive stuff for the kids to climb on and explore. Unfortunately there is no goat feeding at this zoo, but Jack did get to pet these goats. Jack really really loved the fruit bats -- none of us had ever seen them before, and we can't stop talking about them. Our visit was marred with a few "goes to 11" tantrums, but all in all it was a fun trip. One of the highlights was watching Jack ride by himself on the little car ride. That was a first.

Berry picking

The weather was lovely Wednesday, so Jack and I hiked up Mount Davidson for some berry picking. Most of the blackberries were still very green, but we picked about a cup while watching swallowtail butterflies and hummingbirds zipping around. We'll be back!

Poor poor pitiful me

Out of nowhere Tuesday while eating dinner I got caught by the flu. It was so strange, one minute I was fine, the next I was sick. Yesterday I slept all day which helped a bunch, but I'm still a mess. My teeth throb, throat is raw, ears ache, nose is stuffed, and even my eyes hurt. I've had two nights of lovely fever hallucinations -- the first night it was blood dripping down the wall (a red shirt was hanging on the outside of Hans' closet) and then last night coyote-goats were pooping on Hans' side of the bed (sounds like one of Jack's dreams).

Hans may have the flu now too, but there's still hope that Jack will dodge it.

Motherhood blues

When Jack was a baby and we made our first excursions to our local playgrounds, I expected other moms (I'm not being sexiest here, there just aren't many dads) to welcome me to their club. I didn't expect everyone to love me instantly and want to be my best friend, but I did anticipate a certain level of civility. Instead I found that some moms would chat, but more often than not, I came across moms who were not willing to engage. Some wouldn't even make eye contact. I took this personally for a very long time. Any time a mom would talk to me I felt like I was getting mom validation. When I was shunned, I felt like crap. I can vividly remember many days spend sulking at the playground, with babies crawling all around and no one recognizing my existence. Yeah, just like high school, only with the addition of an infant.

Things weren't much better at Acrosports, where I saw and was ignored by the same moms every week. A neighborhood moms group helped a bit, but just about everyone in it was headed back to work when their children were still quite young, so there were few opportunities for hanging out.

After a while, I had an insight. I had been treating motherhood like one giant hobby club, and expected that every mom would want to be friends with every other mom. Look at all we had in common! We've all had babies! We change diapers! We all need more sleep! Instead, it's been more instructive for me to see motherhood as a job. Sure, we are connected by our common motherhood, but that in itself, sadly, doesn't pull us together. When I think about all the coworkers I've had throughout my working life, there have only been about a dozen people with whom I really connected and became good friends. With most people, I interacted in polite water-cooler relationships, and some coworkers were so crazy/creepy/whatever I went out of my way to avoid them. Why should the giant motherhood cartel be any different?

Luckily over time I have made a few mom friends. I cherish them, and look forward to preschool, where I am sure I will make some more friends.

But that sad lonely feeling is still there sometimes. Maybe it never goes away. Some days as I chase Jack around the playground I catch sight of new moms with small babies. I always make sure to smile, say hello, and compliment them on their children. Life as a mom is rough enough -- we can all use a little bit of kindness, or just the acknowledgment that we are seen. And when it comes right down it, I love every mom, because every mom is me.

The end of irony and other assorted tidbits

Big brain growth spurt this week. All day long Jack asks "why?".

Here's an interesting mental exercise: explain the concept of jury duty to a 2 1/2 year old.

We have many earnest conversations where there is absolutely no room for irony. "That's right, that man does have a penis" and "the goat poops out of that hole".

When we read "C is for Coyote" (one of our alphabet books) we substitute words, so instead of b is for bobcat, b is for butterfly. Then we read the text with the substitute words (anybody out there remember Mad Libs?). He thinks it's hysterical.

Jack pronounces coyote "coytoye" and I don't think I ever want him to say it the correct way.

After months of passionately loving the wild animals at Coyote Point, Jack is getting crazy about farm animals. The goats at the zoo are his new favorites, although he is a bit scared of them still. Each time he gets more brave. Today on the way to the zoo he said "I really really really want to pet the goats today." He enjoyed brushing and petting them over and over.

Jack's also nuts for snakes. When we went for a hike last week at Arastradero we saw a gopher snake, which thrilled him. He has 2 small plastic snakes, which he calls gopher snake and rattlesnake. Dig his explanation of snake names: rattlesnake have rattles at the end of their tails, king snakes have kings at the end of the their tails, gopher snakes have gophers at the end of their tails, etc.

We kept the stroller at home and walked everywhere this week. He willingly walked (or ran) for 3+ hour spans through the zoo, as well as on the sidewalks to and from the playground and through the farmers market.

Goodbye naps!

Yesterday was Jack's fourth day in a row without a nap. Wednesday night he slept from 7:30 to 7. Last night he slept from 7:45 to 7. I don't think I've ever seen him as well-rested and happy as he was yesterday. He played by himself for most of the afternoon. By himself! Happily! This is a very encouraging and joyful turn.

Jacksitting

In the past month we've (finally) entered the realm of babysitting. We've left Jack twice with 2 different sitters, and he did great each time. His last nighttime sitter, Ian, made quite an impact on Jack -- he's been talking about her ever since, and wants a picture of the two of them together.

Today another sitter came and played with him for 3 hours while I caught up on a bunch of stuff. As I sat at my computer and listened to them as they hung out in Jack's room, I realized why I'm so tired at the end of each day -- the boy is exhausting! He just doesn't stop talking and playing and jumping up and down (sometimes all at once). When Paula left Jack was very nearly vibrating with energy.

Here's what I accomplished during those 3 hours:
made bread dough
started a load of laundry
answered emails
called my sister
filled out Jack's preschool paperwork
filed about 4 months worth of bills
worked on my website (hooray!)

What an awesome luxury. I felt like I was on vacation!